Inner voice @ Samaya ashram, Byron Bay

Just as this car I'm driving is not mine, I am just using it... These clothes, this body will all be taken away, so why accumulate? And cling? And mask, giving more importance to the objects, than my heart or yours. Why treat each other like worthless objects? Why talk mind to mind when you can listen and feel each others essence? I feel the immense beauty and potential of the world in a place like this and I don't want to be any other way, must fend off regression. Must step back to step forward. Onwards.. :)

On Knowing thyself..

'You cannot escape so easily from attachment. It will take new forms, new shapes. So do not fight with attachment, just try to understand why it is there, and then know the deep cause: because you are not, the attachment is there. Inside you, your own self is so much absent that you try to cling to anything in order to feel safe. You are not rooted, so you try to make anything your roots. When you are rooted in your self, when you know who you are, what this being is which is in you and what this consciousness is which is in you, then you will not cling to anyone.'
OSHO

And from here arises a real sharing - without expectations.....and so, who am I and who is this energy inside of me, or flying about outside of me for 23 hrs a day...??

[This teaching began for me at the time of a Primal Breathwork Course i did in Goa back in January 2012.  I felt after these i had a lot more space inside to give, but then i began giving too much, the fine line.]

                                                                   
                                                                    -----------------------
'The goal is the path' always made a certain amount of sense and impact, I named my Year 12 Visual Art Major work, the journey is the destination - although this always felt like a lie deep within myself.... i big part of me wants instant results, I felt that this continual unravelling thing is arduous, detangling is sometimes torturous....surely there is a button. Note to self: Control. A need to let go.  Of ambition. Love.

                                                                    Word splatterings
                                                                    -------------------------
What are all of these strange bodily sensations trying to say... The strange feelings, the likes, these unwanted pains in the solar plexus, and the feelings of a need to receive... What is this weird and threatening phenomena trying to communicate to me??  Its not mine.
                                                                   --------------------------
Everything feels so jumbled and I am ashamed for others to see the insanity within my system. This vulnerability and openness shows me and all of this deep fear within... i am not you.  give me my boundaries.
                                                                   ----------------------------
I don't know/ I can see this within me, these faults..this madness. This sin. This badness. This information in the wrong hands could be disastrous.. In the world, in a very scary dimension, this weekness needs to be hidden, or advantage can be taken. Protect/ hide. In the 'survival of the fittest' world. 'Sometimes the poison is also the medicine,' a memory of oshos words..  this weekness, this power, this is the mind girl. the heart girl, the heart.  the mind is the heart and souls tool.

                                                                   -------------------------------
I have always been intuitive after growing up in the quiet quiet country...roaming streets, and playing with machinery, watching patterns change... i have always been super sensitive, deep, desirous of understanding, and understanding itself,... overwhelm and confusion were common to me in busy situations as it appears i have always been open to others feelinngs as well as my own... after prolonged periods of deadening study, and, after-school intoxication to loosen inhibitions, i began to refind myself through yoga, meditation and interest in energy work, new age bookshops and coffee ;D,,, I had my first spiritual experience after 2 or 3 yoga lessons,... i experienced the spirit outside of myself, this in retrospect was a message about my focus being more external and in the psychic realms rather than internally, within the self.  Where there is ignorance there is fear.  I have always been 'bumble' footed and clumsy and ungrounded,.. more external. I began to look inside at around 23, 9 years ago.

I have just enlisted into an ashati healing course through Connecting Light. com and will attune myself to another healing energy which will connect my spirit with the ashati guides forever, and will help my soul to perceive what is coming from within and out.

Quotes_ Great mystics

Buddha was passing through a village. One young man came to him And said, 'teach me something: how can I serve others?' Buddha laughed at him and said 'first be. Forget others. First be yourself and then everything will follow.' From The (fat) book of secrets by osho, not a travellers book :)

Note to self..

'you have lost the ocean because you have come out of your self, you have moved too much in the outer world. Move inwards. Now, let this be your pilgrimage, move inwards'

Quotes_ Ralph Emerson the great!

"Man is his own star; and the soul that can
Render an honest and a perfect man,
Commands all light, all influence, all fate;
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still."

Epilogue to Beaumont and Fletcher's Honest Man's Fortune

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Essays:_First_Series/Self-Reliance 

Todays Insight...Unravelling

Today i was directed by a strange aussie bloke to 'check out' a disabled man cleaning his very large flashy vintage car in the main street of adelaide.  My friend noted that it was unexpected to see the car and match it with someone disabled.  I understood he was implying that the car is seen as out of the disabled guys league.

The night before i had done some processing on the karmic patterns which i continually have been facing since Goa @ the beginning of the year...

Firstly i had set an INTENT, to come more into my body, and to open to blessings and flowering.

I then drew some tarot cards: Flowering card, past lives card.

Now i began to go over some of the strange re-occurences and patterns or wounds i have been holding:

1. Creating space in my relationship with my parents, and observing them begin to slow down, and be less in a rush.
2. Jealousy: i slipped in and out of an energetic pattern, with other women being fearful towards me, a placing of self above or below others, a jealous look of you think your better than me reflected back to me, and another woman apologised to me for bumping me, feeling that i was upset by it, she was projecting a fear of punishment and shame for upsetting me - jealousy, inadequacy and shame.  These are wounds i have held from australian culture.
3. Ego Battle: Non acknowledgment of differences in australian culture,  all being pressured to be the same, seeing difference as meaning one is better than the other.  Only one best, competitive nature of our nation. 'if there is only one winner allow it to be you' - ego battles. Not being heard.
4. Sacrificing own life, saw a statue of this,, and felt a blessing.
5. Twice yesterday, people pushed in front of me in ques to pay, i was ignored, someone else was considered as more important, there before, first.  Second child. 
6. Disabled themes -I was born unwell, and constantly 'fixed' more than my brother - imperfection - not quite right, never going to be 'right' wrong or bad.
7. Retarded themes - repression.
8. Ego fighting-= one better, one right, no acknowledgment
9. Powerlessness and helplessness
10. Dismissiveness
11. Ignoring intuition and getting into trouble
12. Giving power away
13. Picking up others energies
14. 'Spoilt' guilt about having needs met, acting above others as way of separating?
15. Needing to be fixed
16. Unacknowledged things, parts of self
17. Aboriginal wounds: At the museum, I observed a wound of the aboriginals, that they feel that their culture was stolen from them, and that the need an apology. and they have the right to continue with their culture despite the of their homeland. 
18. I was watching the Voice, and observed one song about abandonment issues, where she was left me alone, an anger, and then a resolution, now i am left to embrace the world - a parting of mother and child, so that child and daughter can become a loving and fearless, courageous woman ready to love and cherish all.

Basically, my soul feels it needs to shed and drop all of this consciousness, in order to open to blessings! The sign of the disabled man in the car, i felt, was a message to say this is being healed - a signal of hope, and healing.  A symbol of worth - shows how maybe i perceived, picked up energy, of being imperfect as being less than, an inadequacy and disability and lack of deserving. 

There is a sense of not being as good as others, not worth as much, inadequate, broken, not good enough. This was proven from a young trying to appear perfect, my parents wanting to hide any imperfections from me, always telling me i was fine, when i really knew i wasn't, And when i told them i was fine, they would tell me i wasn't.  i could feel there fear and unsureness about my future the medications had only been created the year before my birth. Of course they were unsure, and frightened. They lied about their feelings, and about the the truth from the beginning.  Contradictions, Wrongness. Of course there is some anger in here, i do not need to feel wrong for feeling this anger as well.  This is where poor self esteem kicks in. I believe in truth and honesty. and integrity, and feel i deserve that, as do all. This is my 'i am bad' wound.  

I was shown that you can still live your dreams and have perfect and refined world around you, and be in prime position even with this imperfection.  You can still care for your world, and purify body and soul. And enjoy life.  Simply beautiful! Gratitude flows. xxx

This is my truth.

Journal Notes...I walk..

'I walk loudly, amongst it all.  

taking care
 -observing it as it is -

hearing and seeing,

a beautiful path

of creation and destruction..

and listening,

to the sound of one.

Being - unattached to tomorrow,

and aligning myself with truth.

Being - aware of the cultural conditioning

of words,

and the deeper memories of their meaning.

Feeling the effects of drowning

in an ocean of buzzy city goers

- and dropping the cause as i walk.

Sometimes seeing the stickiness

of past memories and old beliefs...

created long before this time.

Caught here.

Waiting, watching and listening for my joy,
'a great chore,'
divine grace to share

a chance to create space

to be

for all.

I am ready. i am ready i am...

Spaciousness.

Amidst the strait jacketed,

I feel an outsider

 - patterns -

want me to give away truth
to give away my heart

 -to fit in?-
to an empty hole?

Be quiet now sweet child?

And when things move too swiftly,

 - and when i need to rest or in fear -

meditation sessions become shorter and interrupted..

 - Just a little effort break the chain -

Avoidance,  into the intellect,

 - out of intelligence-

this divine dancer stops her flow,

 -still defaults into thought- 

upon how it feels

to be living and dead.

This is not real and true.
This is fear.

All in all - creating the causes -

for an unreal close down.
A tight fist.
An 'I do not want to feel this pain'

Watching the body gradually close-

movement becomes fragmented

less alive

less true.

- keep up -
a whisper, a flash

The judging of movements...
the assessment, the whole misinterpretation,

to keep others happy?

How to fend off opinions and unwanted feedback?

fear. of self.
- see and shift-

- Creating this once living hell -

of comparison

of jealousy

and violence and domination

backwards pull.

- fear. of greatness -

I have forgotten how far i have come

 - no -
and try to grasp

where these old 'friends' 

are walking.
Breadcrumbs.
If i could just fit in and not be alone.
Not wise

unless you drown to give them a hand

  - but don't get me wrong
I do not want advice

from the unconscious - 

So i pact with myself, utter privacy

no words- no confusion
openness

the sacred space
really give, and really receive

no being caught in the politics of words with no heart

strength
 - pure and innocent words -

 peaceful environments of light
- love -

Was i trying to imitate - again?

For a sense of ease.

and trust in the known.

To support others vision,

you do not need to follow it.

You can respect -

and maintain your self & values.

For this imitation is not true, its stupid.
is it suicide?  

And was an original motivation for the path

of being.
- work to know truth-

realisation is the beginning

I urge myself to step in and serve

anyhow

now

'meditation is charity'

and 

 'god has no hands'

repeat energetically in my soul.

Feeling drowned in an ocean of fear

and unconsciousness

and needing to escape this deadly lifestyle

for fear

of forgetting

and getting pulled into the 

machine of mass destruction

I pack my bags, 

again,

a feeling grows inside my heart

it is loud and sickly need to find a base.

I continue to head for the light

- I know i hold it -

and yet i am trying to find space and time

- and a deep comfort -

to grow it.

I call for a grounding.

And i continue to wait and listen.

a sweet thankyou arises-

for i am, i smell, i breathe, swim, fly and love

i am free

How wonderful to be in the body

 - Rest in lovc-

Any more than this would be a great pretention

to gain 'worth' in your eyes

in selling truth

for 'your love'

meditate on this type of owned love

i do not need to give or receive this love

for i am love

I do not need this approval you cruelly withhold

good or bad?

for i am love

love just is

I am not a dump

for bad feelings 

or for your need for me to be bad

so you can look good

or your need for me to appear good in your eyes

so i do what you want,
and relieve you of the fear of not knowing

Watch yourself.

If my material needs have been fulfilled

who are you to name me

-spoilt-

for it was my emotions that were spoilt
clearly you can sense it

..my destruction and death

will be grace manifest.

My shame - your virtue

Look deeper and you will see some real spoiling.

Who knows what tomorrow brings

lets not destroy your tomorrow for my today.

Rest.
Waiting. for a fine harvest.

Not long now? '

with love-

this divine dancer

Quotes..

many prayers answered and endless grace and blessings -

 

'in the abundance of water the fool is thirsty.'

Quotes

Hi, There is an old saying,(before enlightenment, cutting wood and carring water, after enlightenment, cutting wood carring water!)

Most of the enlightened teachers i know were teaching something before enlightenment and are still teaching something. I currently do not know of any enlightened people who are not teaching and earning a living in some way from that.

Love Vishrant

Journal Notes..

  everything is ok

Practice Notes_ Stand your ground

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLrLKCAtbb4&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Keep your truth in the foreground.

Or back away.

Let go of need to seek approval, being liked, or need to feel like you're in control - let go of the fear of saying no, grow some courage.everything is ok
cut the loop thats telling you things are not ok, and you need to be something else.

Practice Notes_ 30 minute release, free yourself.

Single pointed concentration & bodywork

Place a small, pupil sized black dot onto the wall @ eye level 

[good on a windy, chaotic day.]

First sit in front of dot, close eyes, ground, become aware of breath - 5- 10mins.

Now sit and watch the dot - 5 mins

[See it spin, move, bob up and down, like a star moving across the sky... feel the earth move.]

Become aware of body, any blockages in energy, press to release.

Feel the energy flow.

Move how the body wants to move.

Observe body as it is.  - 10mins

Meditate for 5 mins 

Savasana for 5 mins

Journal Notes... Unravelling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzPc6z-0wyE&feature=relmfu

This core wound of mine has come into unravel lately - a series of events, have been testing my resolve and right to say no.  As if you cant truly deeply say no, it is hard to say yes also.

Lets hope this one overcomes it soon, and you too!

Life is a celebration...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20jZW1Ak94g&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Why choose to be enslaved by someone elses, or societies 'ideals?' I'm not sure. :D

Transmission

http://www.sahajmarg.org/resources/clarifications/transmission

'Realization is a Transmission. Various apparent efforts can be made to serve it, but no one can Transmit or influence others with anything other than the state of Realization or the limit of existence that is real for that one. Everyone transmits. All of you are transmitters. You reinforce these limitations in one another and you transmit them to one another. Each one of you emits invisible forces that are locked up in limited messages that reinforce the same limitations in others . . . Realizers of one or another degree of Spiritual development likewise by nature spontaneously Transmit what they are. . . . Those less evolved Transmit their Realization, and those more evolved Transmit their more advanced Realization, and those who have Realized That Which Is Inherently Perfect Transmit That. It is inevitable, and it is an absolute law. That is why it is said in the traditions that the best thing you can do, among all the things you must do – and you must do many things – but the best among them, the chief among them, is to spend time in the Company of a Realizer. Everything is transmission. The stones transmit, the sky does, the TV does. Since everything and everyone transmits states of existence, since life, or existence itself, is participation in transmissions of all kinds, the best thing you can do is to associate with the greatest possible Transmission above all. . . . That is the great rule, the Great Law, the Ultimate principle of the Great Tradition'

Avatar Adi Da Samraj

“Things do not change; we change.”
— Henry David Thoreau

Today - this became very obvious to me...from where i am standing, a shift in energy, can manifest some some interesting things :D  

 

 

Giving-

'Although many of us have grown up believing that it is our solemn duty to give, give, and keep on giving to others, that is only a half-truth—a myth that prevents us from living joyfully and giving fully. Instead, consider what the world’s great sages say: You have a duty to give to others and to give to yourself. When you are in need, you must also receive. This advice sounds obvious, but how many of us are even near the top of our own copious to-do lists?'

'TRANSFORM THE MYTH...
It is always my duty
to give to others.

INTO MAGIC...
It is my duty to give to myself as well as to others.
By giving to myself, I am giving to others.'
Patricia Spardaro
 

Wounds

When one is out of touch with oneself,
one cannot touch others.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The Good, the Bad and the... Beautiful...

A societal problem exists where an outside determinate of good and bad stands in the way of us meeting our fundamental needs - aka judgement.

One way this manifests in my life, is that I can feel bad, or wrong, for having these unconscious needs.  

Children historically have been disciplined to an extreme of being expected to giving their power away, so they are conditioned to be irresponsible, where the responsibility lies in the hands of the ruler, and the default becomes fulfilling the desires of others, the parents, the society or the world machine, rather than fulfilling themselves.  They are conditioned to neglect themselves, so much so that they truly do not know 'themselves' - and sometimes are so wired into the fear of not doing something right, that they rely upon feedback from others, and measure themselves externally(!!!) that they are doing something how someone else wants it, and so they are always 'needing' approval. They always have a sense of something not being right within themselves, like they dont know who they are, and they tend to blame themselves for being wrong and thats why they feel so uncomfortable, leading to a deep seated shame, and confusion, lack of confidence and low self esteem.

One unconcious need that i am talking about is the very humane need for touch.  For example, for me, a lack of touch, resulted in a longstanding drinking addiction, which tried to hide a promiscuousness...Clearly,  a need for touch is not bad at the core, but it can become a problem, which can sometimes be misunderstood and treated poorly, as well as confusing for someone caught in the web. It can also spiral into sexual perversion.  Now - receiving a little bit of massage is assisting me to fulfill and straighten out these needs..  and also being able to give massage is healing some grief within me.  It is completely natural for someone to need to be loved, and to feel closeness with others through feeling and vibration.

So. looking back, as a result of not knowing myself, and seeking approval i became prone to addictiveness, perfectionism, ambition and not acknowledging my feelings as valid or ok.  From a young age i committed to handing in school projects early and perfected, with an ambition for high grades, and to be 'the best'  ie be worthy of love, and this ambition, although never really fully maintained or allowed, as it was untrue, filled a hole.  In the meantime,  my perpetual neglected self and my deep and buried unknown needs for intimacy and deep soul desires were not acknowledged - on a level, i have actually felt ashamed to fulfill my own desires, because fulfilling this conditioned ambition seemed more important, and made me more worthy of what i actually deserved regardless.

 This learning experience of course, had both a cost and a reward. The cost being alot of pain and confusion and the reward being a resolution: stability, strength and profound transformation, developed through a dedicated commitment to alot of yoga, meditation, experimentation, guidance and insight.  Resulted in the uncovering of something beautiful, and the allowance of my truth.

Children are too young and innocent to know or speak for themselves and their own truth, they need sensitive guides to lead them to their truth, so that they feel who they are, by turning inwards rather than outwards in times of contraction, or confusion. This will lead to a happier, more fulfilled and peaceful vibe here on earth.  I have heard on the grapevine that this next round of children will have alot more access to the beautiful life.  Halleluyah!

Attunements..

Ah, foo fighters, so soothing...

http://youtu.be/7B--3cId-YE

i am a little divided

do i stay or run away leave it all behind

its times like these you learn to live again

its times like these you give and give again..

its time and time again.

Practice Notes - Awakening loudly..

Practicing alot and experiencing strange symptoms...?  

Find solace here, print and take to the bath with some candles ;d

http://www.spiritportal.org/signs.html

this week i had a thick release from the heart, i am super delicate, hence so many posts, i am hiding ne

next to the computer, shame, sickness, lack of worth, babies, rejection all leaving the heart..

opening opening opening,

unpleasant and pleasant

powerless and yet immensely powerful

Relationships..

“Relationships soar with true and clear goals directed to the ultimate manifestation of respect of individuated oneness, where harmony is born” ~Ivonne Delaflor (Swami Amenai)

 

I am doing an online course with the Passion Test people about clarifying and creating an ideal relationship, its basically about deeply clarifying your real whims, and seeing them magnetise a deeply easy and compatible partner..  :D  Still got 7 sessions to go, taking it nice and slow, but already seeing men open doors for me, care and be genuinely honorable.  

“It only takes one clear person to have a good relationship” ~Byron Katie

Biblical taster

'But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!'  _ an attempt to inspire to move into light and not use power for black or selfish deeds... when black and selfish deeds are in fact a product of internalised fear... cyclical and unuseful to preach such bla bla - however can be clarifying for some.

'If one's eye is diseased, all he sees is wrong. So the mind, or conscience, is the light of the soul. If these be darkened, all is darkness; if these see aright, all is light.'

Basically, a pure innocent and undistorted heart will produce light, and great light.   A heart is naturally pure, any impurity, is created by the self cherishing and ignorant ego...  burn it away with practice, become whole and you will become illumined for we are all born to evolve into conscious light beings..:D

Online Reference - Self Realisation

http://lovebliss.eu/Selfrealization.htm

A little bit of solace..?

Energy shifts

my heart hurts,.. feeling the confines of the strait jacketed living dead merged in chaos within my body = sore energy soup.. must find wilderness.. must be wilderness... crystals salt frankincense silence take me to a place of song and dance..

there is an energy shift going on in my body i feel, the energy at my heart is thick and icky and won't leave even with crystal quartz or other energetic healing methods so it must be 'mine'

bindu. 

shame blame guilt non love love 

Inspiring Projects - 01

Healing via tapping  - 18- 25 yr old Africans who were exposed to deaths of 1 million..

http://projectlightrwanda.com/

Truth

"The witnessing soul is like the sky. The birds fly in the sky but they don't leave any footprints. That's what Buddha says, that the man who is awakened lives in such a way that he leaves no footprints. He is without wounds and without scars; he never looks back -- there is no point. He has lived that moment so totally that what is the need to look back again and again? He never looks ahead, he never looks back, he lives in the moment."

Todays Insight..

Shame and grace go hand in hand..

Wounds..

'One of the major wounds that most of us carry inside is a deep feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy. We can feel this wound in different aspects of our life - such as in our creativity, our sexuality, our physical appearance or our sensitivity.
But most often, we feel it as a general feeling that we are just not enough - that there is something basically wrong with us. This wound is called shame.
We usually attempt to run away from our shame by covering it up and pretending to ourselves and to others that we are okay.
We push, dress up, fix ourselves - anything to convince ourselves that we can make it. Often we may go the other direction and collapse with insecurity and feelings of failure. Either way, our life becomes a constant struggle. And when we see the world from our shame, it appears to be a hostile place where we have to fight and compete to survive. To heal from the wound of shame, we have to go into it and explore it .
The work is focused on learning to love ourselves and from that place, we can create love in our lives.'

 

hhttp://www.oshocampus.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=program.362&lan=en

 

Attunements..

ethereal mystical abysses..

Joy Division - Atmosphere
http://youtu.be/GQSpJfpVHmg

Radiohead- In rainbows - Go slowly
http://youtu.be/LU7nE1e8WbE

Radiohead -Lotus Flower
http://youtu.be/cfOa1a8hYP8

Radiohead- No surprises
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5CVsCnxyXg&feature=related

Depeche Mode - Enjoy the silence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5CVsCnxyXg&feature=related

Florence and the Machine_ Breath of life
http://youtu.be/ROtBbOcdFxo

Sorry for breaching copyright guys x  sure you dont mind..:D

Todays Insight

Practice, and rise above the busy city

Seeking a fresh name for my soul...

Devacharya_

Samarpita_ surrender

Salama_ peace
Darshita_ one who has seen

Sampita*_ togetherness/ integrity

Daso_ Surrendered one

Sakhi_ friend

Sahay- Spontaneous

Dasyo- Serving with devotion

Salila_ A continuous flow

Layo_ Dissolved in

Latifa_ Subtle one/ refined

Lay_ dissolution

Layapurna_ harmonious

Rahaasa_dancer

Rani_ queen

Rasamani_ Mysterious gem

Roluta_ Rainbow

Riddhi_ Abundance/ good fortune

Lokita_ in the presence of existence

Viharvari_ night full of stars

Devdasi*_ Surrendered to exist

Waluda_ Love of oneness

Ameeta_ unlimited

Amara*_ eternal

Amohi_ Beyond attachment

Amrita_ eternal necta

Anandrani*_ queen of bliss

Anigraha**_ kindness/ act of Grace

Anuprada*_ surrencer/ watching

Anusati_ quest/ Search

Arosha_ gentleness

Arpita_ gift

asho_ flash of lightening

atimati_ very wise

ekta_ oneness/unique

diryata_divinity

dwaska_ sacred city of krishna

eshwari_female form of the divine

Vajuna**_ desire for the ultimate

I am waiting for more clear guidance :D

Attunements_ Birds of Tokyo

Birds of Tokyo...these guys are tapped in...love them.
Artists from Western Australia, divine messengers.".:D

My love began with "I heard it through the Grapevine' on utube,
followed by 'Plans' to the "Wild at Heart' to 'Broken Bones/ Silhouette'

These guys speak to me.

In the Veins of Death Valley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01Mqx8MTybU&feature=relmfu

Journal Notes...Sweet words from within

'I have seen the light within, i can feel the flashes from above. I smile. It is time.

'Time to smell, to breathe, to sing and play'

foreign

once upon a time

a tremble from within

i smell

tribute

sitting in a shimmering bubble 

empty me

shadow

wilt not

cant see history

frontier

the time has come'

By the divine dancer

Inner Voice_Great Mystics

"be religious, philosophies are worthless'

Osho

Inner Voice...Acceptance

' The wholes ambition, this is my ambition.' - this is acceptance.

..Osho

Life stuff... Bondage

'With strangers there are no bonds, and hence there is a relationship; otherwise there are bonds, hence no relationship' 

....Osho

Attunements...MUSE

Muse, i really love you..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPE9uSFFxrI&feature=related

Forgive..

'To eradicate anger you should cultivate its opposite - forgiveness.'

Meditations for People in Crisis

Note to self:

'It is said that when Mohammed heard for the first time- of course, it is a parable - when he heard that a messenger from God was standing and telling him to recite, recite the name of God, recite his glory.... The word koran means recite, thats where the name koran has come from - because the first thing Mohammed heard was 'Recite!'

He was very much puzzled, and he said 'How to recite? I dont know!'

And the angel said ' Thats why! Recite - because those who know, they cannot recite.'

And Mohammed said, ' I am very illiterate, and I don't even know the language rightly. I cannot write and I cannot read.'

The angel said, ' Precisely! Thats why i say recite! - because those who know and can read and can write, they are lost in their knowledge. You are pure in this moment: recite.'

In this purity, God has spoken. In this purity, his own inner most soul has spoken.'

In this very purity the beautiful koran was born.

Now you need not go to the Koran. You can go to your inner interval, and again the messenger will come and say, "Recite!' I say it so to you becasue it has happened to me, it can happen to you.

Whenever there is an interval, Gods messengers are around you.  When there is tremendous silence, God is within you.  You are fulfilled.'

...by OSHO

 'The Path of Love'  On ths Songs of the Indian Mystic Kabir

For the girls..

A memoir of/ & for the Arambol Sisters...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfLD-7bCtME

'To the degree that you can surrender your mind to the higher self, to that degree do you surrender the worries and fears that go along with it.'

Meditations for people in Crisis

On Karma

'Listen to the message experience is trying to give you, then learn it and obey it.'

Meditations for people in Crisis.

Valentines love...

'Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love.'

...Kahlil Gibran

Perfectionism and Self Worth

When teaching asana and in life, I will ALWAYS remember the student/ being comes first, and the adjustments and corrections second. It is now a visible scar.

What, is the purpose of the teacher?  To care, one, and to guide, two.  All in divine timing.

Today- another high peak.  In retrospect, all is happening as it should.  I have had alot of signs & opportunities with this, and it seems it is going somewhere I cannot be sure of right now. Right now is the peak of the insight and I feel loss, frustration, anger and mainly sadness. Fortunately I am not the anger or the sadness, and once this clears, I will be alot more free....

Many teachers have showed me little pieces of this trauma, and it has taken years to recognise. So as the Buddhist monks recently directed me, you can direct love out all you want, you need to heal yourself, and have compassion for yourself.  I could not feel this pain through disconnection and have never quite been grounded, never really felt safe and soothed.

I am venting a little, and remember, all i want, is 'its ok' and 'i understand.'  Compassion, to me, means understanding and these are all patterns unfolding from our ancestors.  Inadequacy has grown, overtime.  From being criticised, to not feeling loved, to comparing to others, to competitiveness, to putting them down, making them small and you 'big.'  I asked to see this so that I could learn and if you're reading this there is good chance you want to know too.

I think it is mainly about the energy of the direction and interaction. If a correction is done with the energy of fear, and I need to fix you, my ego says I am better than you and I can manipulate and control you, and no concern or care for the soul inside, it does cause harm, and it is a matter of self worth....  it can either be on top shelf, physically played out, or the people will feel it deeply, unconsciously or consciously.  Too much can lead to feelings of... this is useless, why bother, i must be useless!! Why can't i ever get it right? A step in the path of self punishment, eating disorders, suicide and/or awakening & liberation.

There is such thing as bombardment, and encroaching upon ones personal space, and it brings up the huge issue of trust.  And if a child cannot trust they will be cared for, in the womb, or to have their primary needs fulfilled, it is likely to be played out until they have to take responsibility for it themselves, and evolve.

Freedom!!!
With love- Bree

I recommend Birth into Being & Scaravelli Yoga to free a traumatised body, EFT is also commonly used, I will explore this and post on it..

I dedicate this to the education & upliftment of all.
I have no certification for psychology, only energetic healing, yoga, reiki and interior design. :D  haha and scuba diving ;D

Welcome home

Today I made a conscious decision to work on beaming only love to others, whether i am being criticised, manipulated, hated, projected upon, smothered with negative vibes, or loved.... and whether I feel anger, resentment, fear, unsureness etc....this in itself i want to commit to watching intently for at least 3 months.. liberation in action.  I will love this time.  So much gratitude for the Satyananda and Tibetan Buddhist Traditions for practically leading me more deeply back to this point and to 'myself' for surrounding me with the right people and places, practices, books and spaces..
 
To confirm this is where I need to be, I received a number of messages from the universe including alot of friendliness, trust, love and acceptance for others, and a beautiful beautiful written message from the universe at the ATM saying... 'welcome home, a world of joy awaits you.'

The lead up to this point is vast, and I will try to cover a little of it in separate posts, over the next 50 or so years. :D hehe... Briefly. The turning point, today, was recognising a main issue embedded into me and my karma as 'not feeling heard.'  I asked for a recommendation from a waitress for something to eat when you have stomach upset, and she began to express pomegranate juice, green tea, another lady suggested what not to eat, spicy food, fried food...they didnt actually have pomegranate or green tea on the menu, and what not to eat, was not the question...i could have felt 'not heard,' i could also maybe have decide to feel that maybe they had something they wanted to express, and what did they need to hear in this moment, and more so feel, in the moment i decided to simply thank them for their input, observe the hurt i felt in my heart, and frustration in my throat, and order some dahl and rice.....  In the future i will be more clear - what do you have on the menu for stomach upset? I will feel it all and then try to respond with more compassion and send love regardless. What to do.

Things big and small fly at you to test your resolve, and will continue to.  Over the past 13 months of travelling i have been transforming into a state of love which sometimes i get triggered out of., for example a ryan air run in.hehe.....but just recently post 3 months in ashram and monastery life, i am in a space of healing again, a lot deeper this time, 'root' business..  things are coming up left right and centre to test my space and commitment to love and peace, to test my self respect and self love, my self worth, my boundaries,...

Just feeling the negativity projected upon me from a lady who didn't know i was unwell, and obviously wanted to chat,... her needs weren't being met,...now this brings up anger in me. This is unfair! I dont deserve this, and underneath, 'i deserve this', i am not good enough, i must deserve this, again and again..  I feel anger.  Why do i deserve this? This is not fair. And the answer, feel it, and send love.  Let it go, move on.. see it dissolve..

And so, 'the not being heard,' was a need which hasnt really been fulfilled throughout my life... a pattern began here... it lead to feeling frustrated and angry, and instead of feeling comfortable and safe expressing this, covering it with confusion, leading to my own little world of confusion. where tears of frustration and anger still come from time to time, if i feel a lack of love ...this karma is now unravelling to freedom, top of the mountain,... safely unravelling, scenario by scenario, closer and closer to my soul, and our soul...

I almost ready, to literally - go home to Australia, for a bit..

Some practice notes for your interest..

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering
May all beings have happiness that is free from suffering
May all beings be free from hatred for enemies and attachment for friends (prayer)

OM Namo Manjushriye Namo Sushriye Namo Utama Shriye Soha

Om Triyam Bakam Yajamahe
Sugandhim Pushte Vardanam
Urdva Rukha Miva Bundanat
Mrityor Mam Ritat  x 108 ( freedom from sorrow)

Gayatri Mantra x 27 ( freedom from fear - guidance)
Om Mani Padme Hum x 108 (mantra of compassion)

Working with light...
Connecting with higher self
Down raying light into the soul to clear mental and emotional bodies from guilt, grief, hatred..
Re-energising with light 
Bringing in peace, balance to the energetic system,

Dedicate the energies of this practice to the higher enlightenment of all human beings..

If you want to hear more about my experiences with any of this, feel free to email me,...the.creator@designunit.com.au

Other things which are helping me...
Yoga. Pranayama. Meditation. Mantra. Time and space to flow.  Environment you enjoy and feel comfortable in. Supportive and free friends/ family. Alot of patience.  Inner strength.  The light above.  The trees, the mountain and the sea. Massage and massaging.  Healing and being healed.  Uplifting music.  Connecting to the love vibes.    

Always in love -
Bree

Inner Voice

It is like I have swiftly climbed straight to the top of the mountain, to find a whole range ahead of me,..an unexpectedly beautiful yet daunting sight of the adventure ahead... peaks, valleys & dangerous cliffs, rest houses with hot apple pie, stormy nights under the stars & avalanches on sunny days...and the only thing I can be sure of is that this mountain climbing was not designed to be easy, it would be much easier to stay in my comfortable high bed, waiting, for my next life.

But maybe this is why I am here, now.  And maybe if I had asked for ease and this was what I truly needed, this is what I would get.  But this is not where I am. And it is uncomfortably beautiful, right now, sitting on a rocky ledge looking at the universe.  I know that everything is as it should be, and if I continue to give my all, I will continue to be showered with the sweetest essence available.  Forget everything else, for it is short- lived matter - really.

Meditation for me, at the moment, is about listening to my self, observing emotional blocks and beginning to unravel them.  From here, I am learning to take what i have been given and actively observe and accept what arises in the moment, from me and others.  To respect myself and others, for all of our happiness is valuable.

For example, this morning I observed the same old replay.. ' I cant,' and 'its not my fault.'  I have heard these repetitively for a long time, and so this morning i felt the courage and drive to explore them a little more...I can't -what?  I can't - what?...the answer came, cry! I can't... CRY?  Wow.  Breakthrough. At the same time as 'cry' came to me, a big strike of guilt was felt in my heart.  I felt guilty and bad and wrong for crying.  Afraid to cry, to express myself.  For my soul to express its sadness and imbalance.  The beginning of suppression. So it is not ok to be myself  It is not ok to express how i, the deeper I is feeling? to be who i am...? This is the message i have within me.

A fear of being self. A feeling of incapability. A deep sense of rejection and exclusion.  And the only way i have felt to counteract this is to prove to myself and others that I can, hence the overachieving and competitiveness at a young age,.. and the saboteour? The one who steps in after one second of success and says thats enough, you were here to sacrifice yourself and your needs and feelings for others, to keep others happy, give your power away! It is not safe to succeed, or to be self.  Its ok to feel how i am feeling, its been 6 years of trying to learn this - in adulthood. Grief and loss 101.  And then changing the habit patterns in the now so i don't get to 50 and have even more loss to release.  Lifelong project.

And the 'Its not my fault'  An inbuilt victim?  Whos fault is it?  Jordans?  I dont think so! How? And here my brother comes into it?.. it is jordans fault? This is where the confusion comes in. So soon, an inbuilt defense mechanism? Unlikely. Or an expression of truth?. I heard, the little me saying, 'Its not my fault i am crying. I cannot stop myself from crying, it is coming from within, a message.'  I feel like others, have misunderstood this as, 'it is my jordans fault?' And so the game begins, all convinced, and very soon even the little ones, that someone was the cause of this, and someone was to blame.  The projection of blame and continuation of issues.

The little one began to believe - 'This is unfair, and impossible, I need to cry.'  The little I began to feel she was blaming, and she felt ashamed of this. This confusion, lack of clarity developed into, 'I am not safe here, i am a victim' .and another big one, ' you don't understand'  ...when really, with a little bit of self knowledge we would all know it is vision of the true, pure and deep I?  'My soul is crying mum' 'it is sad, it is releasing, it wants to be heard and understood, loved, supported and cared for, deeply' -  intro to the emotions - and seemingly not a very successful start, - imagine how different life would be if we believed others had no power over us?!..:D Oh well. Release.

Now this is huge for me, which is why i am sharing it - and it just needs to be felt, expressed and released.
My soul was seeking steps to the mountain top, it did not want to be stranded at the bottom, unfairly overshadowed in darkness and confusion.  For years, fighting to be heard.

When we get pulled into the play, say of blame and shame, and begin to act on these issues, and take the past into the future, they get played into drama, so that you can learn your lessons and move on.. into freedom.  Sometimes, along the way, we don't learn so fast, or we get lost, we become tangled and strangled.

'Life is but a poor player who struts and frets his life upon a stage and then is heard no more.  It is a tale, full of sound and fury, signifiying nothing'  Shakespeare

Right now, I choose, to feel, it all, and let it all go... Fortuntately, I have always had a sense of needing to be somewhere else, where I am not, this too, needs to go.  Fortunately I have always been close to my soul. Fortunately I am alive, being torn in two directions with the forces of nature, yet whole and perfect.

After writing this, I came across a seemingly perfect healing practice seminar, 3 days of re-birthing, releasing emotions from within and re-playing and re-writing contracts with self...  Yes, i am in the right place, I am in flow, as always.  Sitting, sometimes smiling & sometimes crying, on the rocky ledge overlooking the universe.

Always love

Off the matt...

'The body is my temple, the asanas are my prayers.'  BKS Iyengar

Yesterday I went to a yoga workshop in Goa, with one of my dearest teachers and gurus, Glenn Ceresoli - an International Iyengar Teacher...
 
He spoke about balance, as a point of upliftment, and lightness, rather than a point of restriction or contraction.

He taught us how to bring this concept into practice through alignment. Which legs is rolling in, which out? Which side of the spine is contracted, which over extended? He then provided us with subtle movements to align and bring us into balance. It takes training.  These movements are also designed to bring the body into alignment with something greater. An intelligence which moves towards empowering the body to adjust itself.  Creating trust and surrender.  By having correct alignment - we can lift up and defy gravity, and gradually we observe we are supported. 

Glenn taught us how to manage ourselves, and make adjustments to 'ourselves' so that we can break through the restrictions which divide us from being 'one' -  in the asanas.  We create an intelligent dialogue with our inner environment, always aware of the breath, always watching, seeing the patterns and ready to adjust.     Moving us away from fear, and straight into love and care, moving us in the right direction, each movement holding this intent.  We can become aware of our imbalances & weaknesses and use these to find a balance.

Wander-full stuff! So simple, so effective.
In love.

Harmlessness

Goa brings with her, mosquitos.
Buddhism teaches compassion and renouncing pacts of revenge, or waiting in ambush.

Upon arriving in goa, i created a tapas for myself, or a self discipline practice for myself  - 'harmlessness.' This means not squatting mosquitos, amongst other things such as not reacting to others projections. I now find that the mosquitos are not biting me.

Practicing Non Harm allows you to live in the vibration of peace. When you give only love, you live in peace.
When you eminate love & peace, you draw towards you situations of love.

With great love -
Bree

Quotes_ Great Mystics

'The way of love is not a subtle argument

The door there is devastation.

Birds make great sky circles of their freedom

How do they learn it?

They fall, and in falling they're given wings'

.....Rumi