Wednesday, June 27, 2012

On Knowing thyself..

'You cannot escape so easily from attachment. It will take new forms, new shapes. So do not fight with attachment, just try to understand why it is there, and then know the deep cause: because you are not, the attachment is there. Inside you, your own self is so much absent that you try to cling to anything in order to feel safe. You are not rooted, so you try to make anything your roots. When you are rooted in your self, when you know who you are, what this being is which is in you and what this consciousness is which is in you, then you will not cling to anyone.'

And from here arises a real sharing - without expectations.....and so, who am I and who is this energy inside of me, or flying about outside of me for 23 hrs a day...??

[This teaching began for me at the time of a Primal Breathwork Course i did in Goa back in January 2012.  I felt after these i had a lot more space inside to give, but then i began giving too much, the fine line.]

'The goal is the path' always made a certain amount of sense and impact, I named my Year 12 Visual Art Major work, the journey is the destination - although this always felt like a lie deep within myself.... i big part of me wants instant results, I felt that this continual unravelling thing is arduous, detangling is sometimes torturous....surely there is a button. Note to self: Control. A need to let go.  Of ambition. Love.

                                                                    Word splatterings
What are all of these strange bodily sensations trying to say... The strange feelings, the likes, these unwanted pains in the solar plexus, and the feelings of a need to receive... What is this weird and threatening phenomena trying to communicate to me??  Its not mine.
Everything feels so jumbled and I am ashamed for others to see the insanity within my system. This vulnerability and openness shows me and all of this deep fear within... i am not you.  give me my boundaries.
I don't know/ I can see this within me, these faults..this madness. This sin. This badness. This information in the wrong hands could be disastrous.. In the world, in a very scary dimension, this weekness needs to be hidden, or advantage can be taken. Protect/ hide. In the 'survival of the fittest' world. 'Sometimes the poison is also the medicine,' a memory of oshos words..  this weekness, this power, this is the mind girl. the heart girl, the heart.  the mind is the heart and souls tool.

I have always been intuitive after growing up in the quiet quiet country...roaming streets, and playing with machinery, watching patterns change... i have always been super sensitive, deep, desirous of understanding, and understanding itself,... overwhelm and confusion were common to me in busy situations as it appears i have always been open to others feelinngs as well as my own... after prolonged periods of deadening study, and, after-school intoxication to loosen inhibitions, i began to refind myself through yoga, meditation and interest in energy work, new age bookshops and coffee ;D,,, I had my first spiritual experience after 2 or 3 yoga lessons,... i experienced the spirit outside of myself, this in retrospect was a message about my focus being more external and in the psychic realms rather than internally, within the self.  Where there is ignorance there is fear.  I have always been 'bumble' footed and clumsy and ungrounded,.. more external. I began to look inside at around 23, 9 years ago.

I have just enlisted into an ashati healing course through Connecting Light. com and will attune myself to another healing energy which will connect my spirit with the ashati guides forever, and will help my soul to perceive what is coming from within and out.

Quotes_ Great mystics

Buddha was passing through a village. One young man came to him And said, 'teach me something: how can I serve others?' Buddha laughed at him and said 'first be. Forget others. First be yourself and then everything will follow.' From The (fat) book of secrets by osho, not a travellers book :)

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Note to self..

'you have lost the ocean because you have come out of your self, you have moved too much in the outer world. Move inwards. Now, let this be your pilgrimage, move inwards'

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Quotes_ Ralph Emerson the great!

"Man is his own star; and the soul that can
Render an honest and a perfect man,
Commands all light, all influence, all fate;
Nothing to him falls early or too late.
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill,
Our fatal shadows that walk by us still."
Epilogue to Beaumont and Fletcher's Honest Man's Fortune 

Todays Insight...Unravelling

Today i was directed by a strange aussie bloke to 'check out' a disabled man cleaning his very large flashy vintage car in the main street of adelaide.  My friend noted that it was unexpected to see the car and match it with someone disabled.  I understood he was implying that the car is seen as out of the disabled guys league.

The night before i had done some processing on the karmic patterns which i continually have been facing since Goa @ the beginning of the year...
Firstly i had set an INTENT, to come more into my body, and to open to blessings and flowering.
I then drew some tarot cards: Flowering card, past lives card.
Now i began to go over some of the strange re-occurences and patterns or wounds i have been holding:
  1. Creating space in my relationship with my parents, and observing them begin to slow down, and be less in a rush.
  2. Jealousy: i slipped in and out of an energetic pattern, with other women being fearful towards me, a placing of self above or below others, a jealous look of you think your better than me reflected back to me, and another woman apologised to me for bumping me, feeling that i was upset by it, she was projecting a fear of punishment and shame for upsetting me - jealousy, inadequacy and shame.  These are wounds i have held from australian culture.
  3. Ego Battle: Non acknowledgment of differences in australian culture,  all being pressured to be the same, seeing difference as meaning one is better than the other.  Only one best, competitive nature of our nation. 'if there is only one winner allow it to be you' - ego battles. Not being heard.
  4. Sacrificing own life, saw a statue of this,, and felt a blessing.
  5. Twice yesterday, people pushed in front of me in ques to pay, i was ignored, someone else was considered as more important, there before, first.  Second child. 
  6. Disabled themes -I was born unwell, and constantly 'fixed' more than my brother - imperfection - not quite right, never going to be 'right' wrong or bad.
  7. Retarded themes - repression.
  8. Ego fighting-= one better, one right, no acknowledgment
  9. Powerlessness and helplessness
  10. Dismissiveness
  11. Ignoring intuition and getting into trouble
  12. Giving power away
  13. Picking up others energies
  14. 'Spoilt' guilt about having needs met, acting above others as way of separating?
  15. Needing to be fixed
  16. Unacknowledged things, parts of self
  17. Aboriginal wounds: At the museum, I observed a wound of the aboriginals, that they feel that their culture was stolen from them, and that the need an apology. and they have the right to continue with their culture despite the of their homeland. 
  18. I was watching the Voice, and observed one song about abandonment issues, where she was left me alone, an anger, and then a resolution, now i am left to embrace the world - a parting of mother and child, so that child and daughter can become a loving and fearless, courageous woman ready to love and cherish all.
Basically, my soul feels it needs to shed and drop all of this consciousness, in order to open to blessings! The sign of the disabled man in the car, i felt, was a message to say this is being healed - a signal of hope, and healing.  A symbol of worth - shows how maybe i perceived, picked up energy, of being imperfect as being less than, an inadequacy and disability and lack of deserving. 

There is a sense of not being as good as others, not worth as much, inadequate, broken, not good enough. This was proven from a young trying to appear perfect, my parents wanting to hide any imperfections from me, always telling me i was fine, when i really knew i wasn't, And when i told them i was fine, they would tell me i wasn't.  i could feel there fear and unsureness about my future the medications had only been created the year before my birth. Of course they were unsure, and frightened. They lied about their feelings, and about the the truth from the beginning.  Contradictions, Wrongness. Of course there is some anger in here, i do not need to feel wrong for feeling this anger as well.  This is where poor self esteem kicks in. I believe in truth and honesty. and integrity, and feel i deserve that, as do all. This is my 'i am bad' wound.  

I was shown that you can still live your dreams and have perfect and refined world around you, and be in prime position even with this imperfection.  You can still care for your world, and purify body and soul. And enjoy life.  Simply beautiful! Gratitude flows. xxx

This is my truth.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Journal Notes...I walk..

'I walk loudly, amongst it all.  
taking care
 -observing it as it is -
hearing and seeing,
a beautiful path
of creation and destruction..
and listening,
to the sound of one.

Being - unattached to tomorrow,
and aligning myself with truth.

Being - aware of the cultural conditioning
of words,
and the deeper memories of their meaning.

Feeling the effects of drowning
in an ocean of buzzy city goers
- and dropping the cause as i walk.
Sometimes seeing the stickiness
of past memories and old beliefs...
created long before this time.
Caught here.

Waiting, watching and listening for my joy,
'a great chore,'
divine grace to share
a chance to create space
to be
for all.
I am ready. i am ready i am...

Amidst the strait jacketed,
I feel an outsider
 - patterns -
want me to give away truth
to give away my heart
 -to fit in?-
to an empty hole?
Be quiet now sweet child?
And when things move too swiftly,
 - and when i need to rest or in fear -
meditation sessions become shorter and interrupted..
 - Just a little effort break the chain -

Avoidance,  into the intellect,
 - out of intelligence-
this divine dancer stops her flow,
 -still defaults into thought- 
upon how it feels
to be living and dead.
This is not real and true.
This is fear.

All in all - creating the causes -
for an unreal close down.
A tight fist.
An 'I do not want to feel this pain'
Watching the body gradually close-
movement becomes fragmented
less alive
less true.

- keep up -
a whisper, a flash

The judging of movements...
the assessment, the whole misinterpretation,
to keep others happy?
How to fend off opinions and unwanted feedback?
fear. of self.
- see and shift-

- Creating this once living hell -
of comparison
of jealousy
and violence and domination
backwards pull.
- fear. of greatness -

I have forgotten how far i have come
 - no -
and try to grasp
where these old 'friends' 
are walking.
If i could just fit in and not be alone.
Not wise
unless you drown to give them a hand
  - but don't get me wrong
I do not want advice
from the unconscious - 
So i pact with myself, utter privacy
no words- no confusion
the sacred space
really give, and really receive
no being caught in the politics of words with no heart
 - pure and innocent words -
 peaceful environments of light
- love -

Was i trying to imitate - again?
For a sense of ease.
and trust in the known.
To support others vision,
you do not need to follow it.
You can respect -
and maintain your self & values.
For this imitation is not true, its stupid.
is it suicide?  
And was an original motivation for the path
of being.
- work to know truth-
realisation is the beginning

I urge myself to step in and serve
'meditation is charity'
 'god has no hands'
repeat energetically in my soul.

Feeling drowned in an ocean of fear
and unconsciousness
and needing to escape this deadly lifestyle
for fear
of forgetting
and getting pulled into the 
machine of mass destruction

I pack my bags, 
a feeling grows inside my heart
it is loud and sickly need to find a base.

I continue to head for the light
- I know i hold it -
and yet i am trying to find space and time
- and a deep comfort -
to grow it.
I call for a grounding.
And i continue to wait and listen.

a sweet thankyou arises-
for i am, i smell, i breathe, swim, fly and love
i am free
How wonderful to be in the body
 - Rest in lovc-

Any more than this would be a great pretention
to gain 'worth' in your eyes
in selling truth
for 'your love'
meditate on this type of owned love
i do not need to give or receive this love
for i am love

I do not need this approval you cruelly withhold
good or bad?
for i am love
love just is

I am not a dump
for bad feelings 
or for your need for me to be bad
so you can look good
or your need for me to appear good in your eyes
so i do what you want,
and relieve you of the fear of not knowing
Watch yourself.

If my material needs have been fulfilled
who are you to name me
for it was my emotions that were spoilt
clearly you can sense it destruction and death
will be grace manifest.
My shame - your virtue
Look deeper and you will see some real spoiling.

Who knows what tomorrow brings
lets not destroy your tomorrow for my today.
Waiting. for a fine harvest.
Not long now? '

with love-
this divine dancer

Thursday, June 14, 2012


many prayers answered and endless grace and blessings -
'in the abundance of water the fool is thirsty.'


Hi, There is an old saying,(before enlightenment, cutting wood and carring water, after enlightenment, cutting wood carring water!)
Most of the enlightened teachers i know were teaching something before enlightenment and are still teaching something. I currently do not know of any enlightened people who are not teaching and earning a living in some way from that.
Love Vishrant

Journal Notes..

  everything is ok

Practice Notes_ Stand your ground


Keep your truth in the foreground.
Or back away.
Let go of need to seek approval, being liked, or need to feel like you're in control - let go of the fear of saying no, grow some courage.everything is ok
cut the loop thats telling you things are not ok, and you need to be something else.

Practice Notes_ 30 minute release, free yourself.

Single pointed concentration & bodywork

Place a small, pupil sized black dot onto the wall @ eye level 
[good on a windy, chaotic day.]

First sit in front of dot, close eyes, ground, become aware of breath - 5- 10mins.
Now sit and watch the dot - 5 mins
[See it spin, move, bob up and down, like a star moving across the sky... feel the earth move.]
Become aware of body, any blockages in energy, press to release.
Feel the energy flow.
Move how the body wants to move.
Observe body as it is.  - 10mins

Meditate for 5 mins 
Savasana for 5 mins

Journal Notes... Unravelling.

This core wound of mine has come into unravel lately - a series of events, have been testing my resolve and right to say no.  As if you cant truly deeply say no, it is hard to say yes also.

Lets hope this one overcomes it soon, and you too!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Saturday, June 2, 2012


'Realization is a Transmission. Various apparent efforts can be made to serve it, but no one can Transmit or influence others with anything other than the state of Realization or the limit of existence that is real for that one. Everyone transmits. All of you are transmitters. You reinforce these limitations in one another and you transmit them to one another. Each one of you emits invisible forces that are locked up in limited messages that reinforce the same limitations in others . . . Realizers of one or another degree of Spiritual development likewise by nature spontaneously Transmit what they are. . . . Those less evolved Transmit their Realization, and those more evolved Transmit their more advanced Realization, and those who have Realized That Which Is Inherently Perfect Transmit That. It is inevitable, and it is an absolute law. That is why it is said in the traditions that the best thing you can do, among all the things you must do – and you must do many things – but the best among them, the chief among them, is to spend time in the Company of a Realizer. Everything is transmission. The stones transmit, the sky does, the TV does. Since everything and everyone transmits states of existence, since life, or existence itself, is participation in transmissions of all kinds, the best thing you can do is to associate with the greatest possible Transmission above all. . . . That is the great rule, the Great Law, the Ultimate principle of the Great Tradition'

Avatar Adi Da Samraj
“Things do not change; we change.”
— Henry David Thoreau

Today - this became very obvious to me...from where i am standing, a shift in energy, can manifest some some interesting things :D  




'Although many of us have grown up believing that it is our solemn duty to give, give, and keep on giving to others, that is only a half-truth—a myth that prevents us from living joyfully and giving fully. Instead, consider what the world’s great sages say: You have a duty to give to others and to give to yourself. When you are in need, you must also receive. This advice sounds obvious, but how many of us are even near the top of our own copious to-do lists?'

It is always my duty
to give to others.

It is my duty to give to myself as well as to others.
By giving to myself, I am giving to others.'
Patricia Spardaro


When one is out of touch with oneself,
one cannot touch others.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh