Sunday, February 12, 2012

Perfectionism and Self Worth

When teaching asana and in life, I will ALWAYS remember the student/ being comes first, and the adjustments and corrections second. It is now a visible scar.

What, is the purpose of the teacher?  To care, one, and to guide, two.  All in divine timing.

Today- another high peak.  In retrospect, all is happening as it should.  I have had alot of signs & opportunities with this, and it seems it is going somewhere I cannot be sure of right now. Right now is the peak of the insight and I feel loss, frustration, anger and mainly sadness. Fortunately I am not the anger or the sadness, and once this clears, I will be alot more free....

Many teachers have showed me little pieces of this trauma, and it has taken years to recognise. So as the Buddhist monks recently directed me, you can direct love out all you want, you need to heal yourself, and have compassion for yourself.  I could not feel this pain through disconnection and have never quite been grounded, never really felt safe and soothed.

I am venting a little, and remember, all i want, is 'its ok' and 'i understand.'  Compassion, to me, means understanding and these are all patterns unfolding from our ancestors.  Inadequacy has grown, overtime.  From being criticised, to not feeling loved, to comparing to others, to competitiveness, to putting them down, making them small and you 'big.'  I asked to see this so that I could learn and if you're reading this there is good chance you want to know too.

I think it is mainly about the energy of the direction and interaction. If a correction is done with the energy of fear, and I need to fix you, my ego says I am better than you and I can manipulate and control you, and no concern or care for the soul inside, it does cause harm, and it is a matter of self worth....  it can either be on top shelf, physically played out, or the people will feel it deeply, unconsciously or consciously.  Too much can lead to feelings of... this is useless, why bother, i must be useless!! Why can't i ever get it right? A step in the path of self punishment, eating disorders, suicide and/or awakening & liberation.

There is such thing as bombardment, and encroaching upon ones personal space, and it brings up the huge issue of trust.  And if a child cannot trust they will be cared for, in the womb, or to have their primary needs fulfilled, it is likely to be played out until they have to take responsibility for it themselves, and evolve.

With love- Bree

I recommend Birth into Being & Scaravelli Yoga to free a traumatised body, EFT is also commonly used, I will explore this and post on it..

I dedicate this to the education & upliftment of all.
I have no certification for psychology, only energetic healing, yoga, reiki and interior design. :D  haha and scuba diving ;D