Friday, February 10, 2012

Welcome home

Today I made a conscious decision to work on beaming only love to others, whether i am being criticised, manipulated, hated, projected upon, smothered with negative vibes, or loved.... and whether I feel anger, resentment, fear, unsureness etc....this in itself i want to commit to watching intently for at least 3 months.. liberation in action.  I will love this time.  So much gratitude for the Satyananda and Tibetan Buddhist Traditions for practically leading me more deeply back to this point and to 'myself' for surrounding me with the right people and places, practices, books and spaces..
To confirm this is where I need to be, I received a number of messages from the universe including alot of friendliness, trust, love and acceptance for others, and a beautiful beautiful written message from the universe at the ATM saying... 'welcome home, a world of joy awaits you.'

The lead up to this point is vast, and I will try to cover a little of it in separate posts, over the next 50 or so years. :D hehe... Briefly. The turning point, today, was recognising a main issue embedded into me and my karma as 'not feeling heard.'  I asked for a recommendation from a waitress for something to eat when you have stomach upset, and she began to express pomegranate juice, green tea, another lady suggested what not to eat, spicy food, fried food...they didnt actually have pomegranate or green tea on the menu, and what not to eat, was not the question...i could have felt 'not heard,' i could also maybe have decide to feel that maybe they had something they wanted to express, and what did they need to hear in this moment, and more so feel, in the moment i decided to simply thank them for their input, observe the hurt i felt in my heart, and frustration in my throat, and order some dahl and rice.....  In the future i will be more clear - what do you have on the menu for stomach upset? I will feel it all and then try to respond with more compassion and send love regardless. What to do.

Things big and small fly at you to test your resolve, and will continue to.  Over the past 13 months of travelling i have been transforming into a state of love which sometimes i get triggered out of., for example a ryan air run in.hehe.....but just recently post 3 months in ashram and monastery life, i am in a space of healing again, a lot deeper this time, 'root' business..  things are coming up left right and centre to test my space and commitment to love and peace, to test my self respect and self love, my self worth, my boundaries,...

Just feeling the negativity projected upon me from a lady who didn't know i was unwell, and obviously wanted to chat,... her needs weren't being met, this brings up anger in me. This is unfair! I dont deserve this, and underneath, 'i deserve this', i am not good enough, i must deserve this, again and again..  I feel anger.  Why do i deserve this? This is not fair. And the answer, feel it, and send love.  Let it go, move on.. see it dissolve..

And so, 'the not being heard,' was a need which hasnt really been fulfilled throughout my life... a pattern began here... it lead to feeling frustrated and angry, and instead of feeling comfortable and safe expressing this, covering it with confusion, leading to my own little world of confusion. where tears of frustration and anger still come from time to time, if i feel a lack of love ...this karma is now unravelling to freedom, top of the mountain,... safely unravelling, scenario by scenario, closer and closer to my soul, and our soul...

I almost ready, to literally - go home to Australia, for a bit..

Some practice notes for your interest..

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering
May all beings have happiness that is free from suffering
May all beings be free from hatred for enemies and attachment for friends (prayer)

OM Namo Manjushriye Namo Sushriye Namo Utama Shriye Soha

Om Triyam Bakam Yajamahe
Sugandhim Pushte Vardanam
Urdva Rukha Miva Bundanat
Mrityor Mam Ritat  x 108 ( freedom from sorrow)

Gayatri Mantra x 27 ( freedom from fear - guidance)
Om Mani Padme Hum x 108 (mantra of compassion)

Working with light...
Connecting with higher self
Down raying light into the soul to clear mental and emotional bodies from guilt, grief, hatred..
Re-energising with light 
Bringing in peace, balance to the energetic system,

Dedicate the energies of this practice to the higher enlightenment of all human beings..

If you want to hear more about my experiences with any of this, feel free to email me,

Other things which are helping me...
Yoga. Pranayama. Meditation. Mantra. Time and space to flow.  Environment you enjoy and feel comfortable in. Supportive and free friends/ family. Alot of patience.  Inner strength.  The light above.  The trees, the mountain and the sea. Massage and massaging.  Healing and being healed.  Uplifting music.  Connecting to the love vibes.    

Always in love -