Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Good, the Bad and the... Beautiful...

A societal problem exists where an outside determinate of good and bad stands in the way of us meeting our fundamental needs - aka judgement.

One way this manifests in my life, is that I can feel bad, or wrong, for having these unconscious needs.  

Children historically have been disciplined to an extreme of being expected to giving their power away, so they are conditioned to be irresponsible, where the responsibility lies in the hands of the ruler, and the default becomes fulfilling the desires of others, the parents, the society or the world machine, rather than fulfilling themselves.  They are conditioned to neglect themselves, so much so that they truly do not know 'themselves' - and sometimes are so wired into the fear of not doing something right, that they rely upon feedback from others, and measure themselves externally(!!!) that they are doing something how someone else wants it, and so they are always 'needing' approval. They always have a sense of something not being right within themselves, like they dont know who they are, and they tend to blame themselves for being wrong and thats why they feel so uncomfortable, leading to a deep seated shame, and confusion, lack of confidence and low self esteem.

One unconcious need that i am talking about is the very humane need for touch.  For example, for me, a lack of touch, resulted in a longstanding drinking addiction, which tried to hide a promiscuousness...Clearly,  a need for touch is not bad at the core, but it can become a problem, which can sometimes be misunderstood and treated poorly, as well as confusing for someone caught in the web. It can also spiral into sexual perversion.  Now - receiving a little bit of massage is assisting me to fulfill and straighten out these needs..  and also being able to give massage is healing some grief within me.  It is completely natural for someone to need to be loved, and to feel closeness with others through feeling and vibration.

So. looking back, as a result of not knowing myself, and seeking approval i became prone to addictiveness, perfectionism, ambition and not acknowledging my feelings as valid or ok.  From a young age i committed to handing in school projects early and perfected, with an ambition for high grades, and to be 'the best'  ie be worthy of love, and this ambition, although never really fully maintained or allowed, as it was untrue, filled a hole.  In the meantime,  my perpetual neglected self and my deep and buried unknown needs for intimacy and deep soul desires were not acknowledged - on a level, i have actually felt ashamed to fulfill my own desires, because fulfilling this conditioned ambition seemed more important, and made me more worthy of what i actually deserved regardless.

 This learning experience of course, had both a cost and a reward. The cost being alot of pain and confusion and the reward being a resolution: stability, strength and profound transformation, developed through a dedicated commitment to alot of yoga, meditation, experimentation, guidance and insight.  Resulted in the uncovering of something beautiful, and the allowance of my truth.

Children are too young and innocent to know or speak for themselves and their own truth, they need sensitive guides to lead them to their truth, so that they feel who they are, by turning inwards rather than outwards in times of contraction, or confusion. This will lead to a happier, more fulfilled and peaceful vibe here on earth.  I have heard on the grapevine that this next round of children will have alot more access to the beautiful life.  Halleluyah!


Ah, foo fighters, so soothing...

i am a little divided
do i stay or run away leave it all behind
its times like these you learn to live again
its times like these you give and give again..
its time and time again.

Practice Notes - Awakening loudly..

Practicing alot and experiencing strange symptoms...?  
Find solace here, print and take to the bath with some candles ;d
this week i had a thick release from the heart, i am super delicate, hence so many posts, i am hiding ne
next to the computer, shame, sickness, lack of worth, babies, rejection all leaving the heart..
opening opening opening,
unpleasant and pleasant
powerless and yet immensely powerful

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Relationships soar with true and clear goals directed to the ultimate manifestation of respect of individuated oneness, where harmony is born” ~Ivonne Delaflor (Swami Amenai)
I am doing an online course with the Passion Test people about clarifying and creating an ideal relationship, its basically about deeply clarifying your real whims, and seeing them magnetise a deeply easy and compatible partner..  :D  Still got 7 sessions to go, taking it nice and slow, but already seeing men open doors for me, care and be genuinely honorable.  

It only takes one clear person to have a good relationship” ~Byron Katie

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Biblical taster

'But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!'  _ an attempt to inspire to move into light and not use power for black or selfish deeds... when black and selfish deeds are in fact a product of internalised fear... cyclical and unuseful to preach such bla bla - however can be clarifying for some.

'If one's eye is diseased, all he sees is wrong. So the mind, or conscience, is the light of the soul. If these be darkened, all is darkness; if these see aright, all is light.'

Basically, a pure innocent and undistorted heart will produce light, and great light.   A heart is naturally pure, any impurity, is created by the self cherishing and ignorant ego...  burn it away with practice, become whole and you will become illumined for we are all born to evolve into conscious light beings..:D

Monday, May 28, 2012

Online Reference - Self Realisation

A little bit of solace..?

Energy shifts

my heart hurts,.. feeling the confines of the strait jacketed living dead merged in chaos within my body = sore energy soup.. must find wilderness.. must be wilderness... crystals salt frankincense silence take me to a place of song and dance..

there is an energy shift going on in my body i feel, the energy at my heart is thick and icky and won't leave even with crystal quartz or other energetic healing methods so it must be 'mine'
shame blame guilt non love love 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Inspiring Projects - 01

Healing via tapping  - 18- 25 yr old Africans who were exposed to deaths of 1 million..


"The witnessing soul is like the sky. The birds fly in the sky but they don't leave any footprints. That's what Buddha says, that the man who is awakened lives in such a way that he leaves no footprints. He is without wounds and without scars; he never looks back -- there is no point. He has lived that moment so totally that what is the need to look back again and again? He never looks ahead, he never looks back, he lives in the moment."

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Monday, May 21, 2012


'One of the major wounds that most of us carry inside is a deep feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy. We can feel this wound in different aspects of our life - such as in our creativity, our sexuality, our physical appearance or our sensitivity.
But most often, we feel it as a general feeling that we are just not enough - that there is something basically wrong with us. This wound is called shame.
We usually attempt to run away from our shame by covering it up and pretending to ourselves and to others that we are okay.
We push, dress up, fix ourselves - anything to convince ourselves that we can make it. Often we may go the other direction and collapse with insecurity and feelings of failure. Either way, our life becomes a constant struggle. And when we see the world from our shame, it appears to be a hostile place where we have to fight and compete to survive. To heal from the wound of shame, we have to go into it and explore it .
The work is focused on learning to love ourselves and from that place, we can create love in our lives.'


ethereal mystical abysses..

Joy Division - Atmosphere

Radiohead- In rainbows - Go slowly

Radiohead -Lotus Flower

Radiohead- No surprises

Depeche Mode - Enjoy the silence

Florence and the Machine_ Breath of life

Sorry for breaching copyright guys x  sure you dont mind..:D

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Seeking a fresh name for my soul...

Samarpita_ surrender
Salama_ peace
Darshita_ one who has seen
Sampita*_ togetherness/ integrity
Daso_ Surrendered one
Sakhi_ friend
Sahay- Spontaneous
Dasyo- Serving with devotion
Salila_ A continuous flow
Layo_ Dissolved in
Latifa_ Subtle one/ refined
Lay_ dissolution
Layapurna_ harmonious
Rani_ queen
Rasamani_ Mysterious gem
Roluta_ Rainbow
Riddhi_ Abundance/ good fortune
Lokita_ in the presence of existence
Viharvari_ night full of stars
Devdasi*_ Surrendered to exist
Waluda_ Love of oneness
Ameeta_ unlimited
Amara*_ eternal
Amohi_ Beyond attachment
Amrita_ eternal necta
Anandrani*_ queen of bliss
Anigraha**_ kindness/ act of Grace
Anuprada*_ surrencer/ watching
Anusati_ quest/ Search
Arosha_ gentleness
Arpita_ gift
asho_ flash of lightening
atimati_ very wise
ekta_ oneness/unique
dwaska_ sacred city of krishna
eshwari_female form of the divine

Vajuna**_ desire for the ultimate

I am waiting for more clear guidance :D