Wednesday, June 27, 2012

On Knowing thyself..

'You cannot escape so easily from attachment. It will take new forms, new shapes. So do not fight with attachment, just try to understand why it is there, and then know the deep cause: because you are not, the attachment is there. Inside you, your own self is so much absent that you try to cling to anything in order to feel safe. You are not rooted, so you try to make anything your roots. When you are rooted in your self, when you know who you are, what this being is which is in you and what this consciousness is which is in you, then you will not cling to anyone.'

And from here arises a real sharing - without expectations.....and so, who am I and who is this energy inside of me, or flying about outside of me for 23 hrs a day...??

[This teaching began for me at the time of a Primal Breathwork Course i did in Goa back in January 2012.  I felt after these i had a lot more space inside to give, but then i began giving too much, the fine line.]

'The goal is the path' always made a certain amount of sense and impact, I named my Year 12 Visual Art Major work, the journey is the destination - although this always felt like a lie deep within myself.... i big part of me wants instant results, I felt that this continual unravelling thing is arduous, detangling is sometimes torturous....surely there is a button. Note to self: Control. A need to let go.  Of ambition. Love.

                                                                    Word splatterings
What are all of these strange bodily sensations trying to say... The strange feelings, the likes, these unwanted pains in the solar plexus, and the feelings of a need to receive... What is this weird and threatening phenomena trying to communicate to me??  Its not mine.
Everything feels so jumbled and I am ashamed for others to see the insanity within my system. This vulnerability and openness shows me and all of this deep fear within... i am not you.  give me my boundaries.
I don't know/ I can see this within me, these faults..this madness. This sin. This badness. This information in the wrong hands could be disastrous.. In the world, in a very scary dimension, this weekness needs to be hidden, or advantage can be taken. Protect/ hide. In the 'survival of the fittest' world. 'Sometimes the poison is also the medicine,' a memory of oshos words..  this weekness, this power, this is the mind girl. the heart girl, the heart.  the mind is the heart and souls tool.

I have always been intuitive after growing up in the quiet quiet country...roaming streets, and playing with machinery, watching patterns change... i have always been super sensitive, deep, desirous of understanding, and understanding itself,... overwhelm and confusion were common to me in busy situations as it appears i have always been open to others feelinngs as well as my own... after prolonged periods of deadening study, and, after-school intoxication to loosen inhibitions, i began to refind myself through yoga, meditation and interest in energy work, new age bookshops and coffee ;D,,, I had my first spiritual experience after 2 or 3 yoga lessons,... i experienced the spirit outside of myself, this in retrospect was a message about my focus being more external and in the psychic realms rather than internally, within the self.  Where there is ignorance there is fear.  I have always been 'bumble' footed and clumsy and ungrounded,.. more external. I began to look inside at around 23, 9 years ago.

I have just enlisted into an ashati healing course through Connecting Light. com and will attune myself to another healing energy which will connect my spirit with the ashati guides forever, and will help my soul to perceive what is coming from within and out.