Tuesday, September 12, 2017

There

As I was discussing over the weekend in my trial of my second introduction to Iyengar yoga teacher training, we have mixed feelings about many things and the drawing of conclusions is a thing of the mind, to remain without conclusive ness and without a solid answer is the heart.

I cried in Lismore, deeply, it was profound. Is anybody here?
I know I left the love thinking there in the mind for everyone it is profound but I get faced with lots of animosity because of it, male and female jealousy is thrown at my heart day in day out. It is very hard for me here.

Sitting in front of the mirror or video an my guides take me through a process of facing my feelings, one by one trigger words make feelings come across my face it was magical how here I nearly am, my feelings passed from good to bad, to beautiful. I'm free here it is true but I'm not free of you. You impact the way I feel not only in my everythingness of divinely desiring everyone to be here with me and happy and Loving and loved, but how I feel I am in the world. Yes intimAtely you have an impact on how I am! It is terrible. You think too much to be able to just impact me. Your thoughts and feelings are mind induced. My now is free of thoughts impact. At least my own.

I'm sitting in the forest I thought I'd be free of you here but no, there is still the best love here but no, how can you throw good bad and ugly feelings at me from afar. I thought you'd leave me when I left. I'm not here in the same way as you and I still have to face the not so good feelings directed at my beauty.  I'm thinking you think too much, it's not my fault, why do I have to sit and process these intimAtely ugly feelings you believe to be true. I'm sure that you think love isn't. You r so intelligently unaware it is in your favour to be ignorant. If you are ignorant you think that you r not responsible for your emotions and trust me karma thinks nothing. If you think that I'm evil, it's because the best in you is evil. If you think I'm good, you're good. These projections intimAtely think that they are better than everyone else if they are loved which is why you don't like giving and don't like anyone else receiving love.

 I'm not allowed to love because women are so jealous of my big love and care and purity my 'you-ness' might be a threat to their  thinking love isn't.  I'm sure they are aware I'm beautiful, I'm loving thinking nothing thinking love I'm free beautiful mind heart and soul, I'm going to be big forever, thinking of mass change to the best of us love, I'm finding it hard to face I did this for you and you hate my beauty.  I'm here because I saw that you weren't. I did  this for you. I'm hated for it! It is hopeless. It's a waste of my life, my time I'm finding the worst things that I can't have my partner here with me til I heal you.  I have to heal you first- I'm last. I'm good though and I'm having the best sex. It's great, I walk things through with him the not so good things he thinks things through I'm just helping him to be better things I'm things in the world need me to help them. I'm helping them. Guiding them under it. I'm going to show them I'm thinking there best interest is first.   . I'm pure. I'm next. I'll have my desires met because things r the best first and the second best next. I feel myself to be less than you because the best is last.

If you hate me for it, you lose/ I lose, it's most tragic.
If you love me for it, rare, I feel your heart, you get healed, I feel good about myself, for a second, I sing, I laugh, I loved, but things aren't that simple. It results on jealousy I'm happy for you, how could be purity think nothing and love so greatly I don't think love. I'm not good hate her.
I've faced so much intimate hatred because the best things come second. I'm free though you would t believe how free I am.

Love to you.
Bree